As a child I was hardly shown love and affection in the ways I believe I needed it most. My grandparents and my Mom do indeed love me, I know that now, but as a child their love was something so questionable to me and unfortunately that’s had a drastic affect on the way I am today.

I’ve come to realize that the love I was deprived of as a child, I may spend the rest of my life subconsciously looking to satisfy that vacant portion of my heart through the love of a significant other in efforts to get what was never given to me. I’ve already caught myself several times withholding anger towards my boyfriend at this problem’s discretion and it’s honestly so frustrating because I don’t do it intentionally, but I’m unable to control it. 

I will do everything to make sure my child doesn’t grow up uncertain of my love for them because I’ve experienced the negative influences it can have on a person and the way they view themselves. It makes it so that self-love is one of the most difficult things to give to yourself. 

I promise you my future child, Mommy’s gonna love you right.